I know what you’re thinking….. “She’s given up on blogging.” No, not true. I’m just not a good multi-tasker and sometimes when life overwhelms me and doesn’t go as I’d like it to, I have a tendency to retreat and not do much of anything. Which is what I’ve done for the past few weeks. Work is overwhelming, finances are overwhelming, holidays are overwhelming, family is overwhelming and as expected MY WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY IS OVERWHELMING! So instead of making it a priority and staying strong with food and scheduling in my exercise time, I retreated and hid in my comfort foods. Yes, I’ve gained weight. I’m now only a mere 8 pounds from my highest weight ever. It’s humiliating, humbling and embarrassing. And no not to my readers, friends or family… to myself.
I’ve always been so good at helping others stick to their goals. I do all I can to encourage and motivate others when they get into a slump. I know all the right tips to give someone for a great food plan to make the pounds come off, but when it comes time to look in the mirror and repeat all the same bits of info to myself I just hide.
I’ve started seeing a therapist. Yup, and I am not ashamed of it at all. God is our ultimate counselor but he also puts people in this world that are able to help us think and talk out things in our life that we are unable to sort out alone. I’ve been seeing this lady for a couple of months now. I get so frustrated some weeks because I will just vomit all my drama, thoughts, angers, pains, excitements, etc. on her and sometimes she’ll give me a great bit of insight or even some homework to do, but then other times she just listens and nods and agrees with me. “Aren’t you supposed to fix me?! Aren’t you supposed to have all the answers?! Aren’t you supposed to work magic and make my life perfect?!”….No she’s not. Her job is to do exactly what she has been doing. She gives insight to things maybe I don’t allow myself to see. She’s a sounding board for me to let go of things I can’t let go of to anyone else, and she validates the feelings I have that are good for me and points out the ones that aren’t.
A large breakthrough that we had in the last session is that my major issues that I’m coming to her about are all related to a few very specific hard times I’ve gone through. She labeled them as traumas. ”…..traumas????…. I’ve haven’t gone through any traumas!” She recommended a specific type of therapy to help me process through these “traumas” and to hopefully in the end conquer my issues (such as weight, depression, relationship related issues.) I left the office puzzled. I thought through these major issues all night and even went online to research the treatment she recommended. She said in the end it’s up to me whether or not I do this therapy. After much research, thought and prayer I realized that yes… I have gone through traumas.
I am going to go through with the therapy. She said it could take anywhere from around 6 to 8 sessions. I’m very scared to confront these issues but at the same time I know that getting through them will allow myself to turn away from my self-defeating habits. I start next week. Wish me luck!